He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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