She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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