Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
