The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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