At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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