There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
