felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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