i wish my penis had a tongue
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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