Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
