He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sext me about skeletons
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
