it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
