I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
