all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The Olympian is in my bed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
