K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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