I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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