We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
