id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
