...so i touched it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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