I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
