I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
