Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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