I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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