holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Naked Twister starts at high noon
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
