But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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