Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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