I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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