im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
