The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
