M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
