I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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