why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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