That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
