You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
