I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
