Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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