sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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