I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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