So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
