My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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