I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize