I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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