This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
