I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
