Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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