also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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