He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
