so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
