Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want to make out with him forever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
