i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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