I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
