the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
