Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So vagazzling was a success
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
