I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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