Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i jhust puked up my retainher.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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