Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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