And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
