Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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