the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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