he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
