Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize