I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize