I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
