He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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