I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
