You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
