My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
