Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
