Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
