There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
