I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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