Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
