with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
