Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
