My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
