Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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