the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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